"It has take me years to learn this, but it does seem to be the case that if I am not actively creating something, then I am probably actively destroying something."
- Elizabeth Gilbert
I have been thinking about this post for months. Really all year. How to you come back into the world after you've disappeared for this long? After you've been through something like this? After you've lost so much? I've been thinking about this for months... how to I return to a world that I used to inhabited when I don't recognize it anymore? When I still don't recognize myself?
I still don't know. Let's start with that. There is a lot that I don't know. I don't know how to do life in a world that no longer has either of my parents in it. I don't know who I am now, on the other side of losing them and everything else that has happened this year. I don't know where I am going next, though I am starting to get ideas.
But here's what I do know. I know that am going to be okay, eventually, I've been clear on this from the beginning. I know that I am deeply loved and have an incredible amount of support available to me. Finally, I know that, like the luminous Liz Gilbert, if I am not actively creating something I am probably actively destroying something (most often myself.)
I need to create.
I've always needed to create. It is one of my most basic drives. It is where I find myself, it is where I find joy, it is how I make sense of the world and of other people. It is how I make sense of the things that have happened.
I'm may not yet be set on where I want to take my business next - I have strong inklings and I'm excited for the direction that it is going to take, but it needs to simmer for a bit (I need to recover my energy and strength) before I am ready to show up to that work at 100 percent - however, I am also not willing to wait until that is ready to go before relaunching my website because.... I need to create.
This is all meant as an introduction to the newest iteration of my online home.
Websites can serve many purposes. The purpose of this one, right now, is for me to have a space to create for and in. To create the next version of myself into existence and share along the way. I can’t yet tell you what to expect, because I’m not sure what to expect myself. This is a liminal space, the becoming, the in between who I was before this all happened and who I am becoming. I’m looking forward to discovering it together.